These, indeed, are the times that try every pronoun’s soul.

Since the beginning of time, slogans, catchphrases, and, nowadays, memes worm into the collective consciousness of the masses. A good many of them are deliberate, purpose-driven creations meant to trigger a response.
But what about the non-specific sayings and catchphrases that seem to come from the deep unknown?

Retail

These two may be regional, harkening back to my youth in The Bronx. Uttered mainly by older people, the expression “You can kiss my ass in Macy’s window!” was the button on any argument. This silly retort shares a memory shelf with another gem, tailor-made for a nosy or overly personal inquiry; “Does Macy’s tell Gimbels?”

I guess Macy’s was a bigger arbiter of neighborhood disagreements than I realized.

These well-aged anachronisms randomly pop into my head, loosing an amused chuckle that turns melancholic. An internal newsreel flickers with faded faces of neighborhood harridans, kvetching about nothing important.

Logic

Remember these silly pseudo-syllogisms? “If all your friends jumped off the Empire State Building, would you do it too?” Or “Finish your dinner; there are starving kids in Africa!!”

I don’t remember troops of kids defiantly rattling plates of uneaten lima beans as they leaped from the Empire State Building. I’m sure the New York Post or the Daily News would have covered such a sensational story.

Sadly, kids had only one universal retort – “You’re not the boss of me!!!” That defiance rarely had the outcome the put-upon child expected.

Who’s The Boss?

The nuns told us we were “bold as brass!!!” Really? Brass is bold? Who knew?

Parents and other authority figures growled, “Because I said so, that’s why!!!” or “I’ll give you something to cry about!” Way to open those safe, trusting discussions and teaching moments!

And then, when all patience is exhausted, the ominous “Wait til your father gets home!!!” Boy, that’s a lot of pressure to put on a patriarch who probably just wanted to chill out after a tough day. I can understand why some fathers decided not to come home, at least not straight away. On a positive note, this unsettling dynamic likely created an excellent source of income for generations of therapists who strove to unravel the eternal struggle between fathers and their children. Another profession that benefitted from this threat? – Bartenders. Same sympathetic ear but no couch.

Nope

In today’s age of hyperbolic claims, rancid with cries of “fake news,” wild, exaggerated, and blatantly false claims rain down sans fact or evidence. We all can reel off a dozen examples that illustrate this point. And guess what? We can all point to examples where what is “true” can diametrically oppose what is fact. And that is a problem. These, indeed, are the times that try my soul.

All I can say to the nonsense is, “Don’t piss on my neck and tell me it’s raining.”